I create context. I also write blog posts:

Ya Know That Feeling?

Posted: March 1st, 2011 | Author: | 1 Comment »

THERE’S always of moment of something real pure — I think it’s relief — before the terror sets in. It’s satisfaction as your brain momentarily tells you that you’ve completed this step, it’s kind of a pat on the back. But it’s fleeting. It’s almost always immediately replaced by a sense of real terror; not the kind you get when you see a spider, but the kind when you do something that you know your mother is going to find out about and she’s not going to be happy. It’s the opposite of the first feeling, replacing completion with uncertainty: I’m on to the next step and I have no idea what it’s going to bring.

It’s the feeling that used to come in the moments after handing in a test in high school. “Phew, that’s over” becomes “Oh shit, now somebody’s going to grade that.”

Enter: my weekend. It started innocently enough, a leisurely trip to the post office (that’s a lie — nothing in my neck of the woods that involves travel is “leisurely,” but I tried to make it so). A short wait in line, a quick checkout, a few bits of small talk.

And then the woman behind the counter took the envelope from me.

I thought about asking for it back.

But it was tossed into a bin under the counter and, as far as I’m concerned, it’s gone.

I’m not getting it back.

And so, I had completed a step, and now wait to see what, exactly, is next up. There’s uncertainty, and nerves, and a twitching in my left arm, but it feels a little good.

It’s progress.

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One Comment on “Ya Know That Feeling?”

  1. 1 Don said at 5:14 pm on March 1st, 2011:

    Hope it gets read. The concept rocks!


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